IV. How I Created a Fraternity

 

Page 16: (...continued) At this point, you should have a good grasp on the history of Fraternities, where they come from, a general idea of how they operate, and the inner workings of their hierarchy from an inside perspective.

 

  My own attitude towards Fraternities is a unique one. I am going to reveal the secret of my 4 year college career, and the experience I had involving my Fraternity. I am doing this so I can not only show you where I am coming from, but because it serves as a great tool to get you brainstorming about how you can begin creating your own from scratch.

 

 

Chapter 1: Pledging

 

The Start of Freshmen Year, Fall 2004

 

  As a young and energetic 18 year old freshman, I was unbelievably excited to be moving into college. I was from out-of-state, entering into a University of 10,000+ students. I didn’t know anyone there, and was essentially starting a new life. The beginnings of college were fantastic, and I was as outgoing and friendly as possible, in order to make as many new friends as I could.

 

 I was fortunate enough to have a great group of kids living on the floor in my dorm, and bonded with them quickly. However, I will admit that being a freshmen in a very new environment made me naive and easily manipulated (like many freshmen are). I was encouraged to come out and rush for a Fraternity holding a free rush party. “All the beer I can drink… for free?? Of course I’ll go!” I found myself immediately trying to gain the approval of the Fraternity brothers, even though I really had no intention of joining. (It is strange how social groups can have such an incredible effect on people’s psychology, and as you start your Fraternity you will quickly pickup on some of the social manipulation techniques you will need in order to be successful.)

 

  After attending the rush event, I thought it was pretty mediocre. A few weeks later, I went to another event. I met a few more brothers, but still wasn’t exactly impressed with any of them. What did attract me, was the idea of working my way up into this secretive group, finding out what they did behind closed doors, and then someday leading that group myself. The novelty of one day discovering everything that goes on with them was pulling me in. I had no idea who these guys were or what they did, but the idea of a Fraternity was foreign and exotic to me, and I wanted in.

 

  Sure enough, even though I probably only met 3 or 4 brothers, I found myself getting a bid a few weeks later. One depressing aspect of Greek Life is that below-average Fraternities often overextend themselves and give bids to rushes that most Brothers have never met. One of the biggest negatives with modern day Fraternities is that it has morphed entirely into a numbers game. Dues can range from $300-$1500 a semester, but 40-60% of that money will go to the “National Headquarters”. Ask around, and the consensus is the same: the national headquarters of many Fraternities are exploiting many chapters for a significant amount of their cash.

 

  This is a very controversial topic among the Greek life community, and many Greeks will tell you about it if you ask. I have friends who claim that their chapter is forced to send off half of their money to National Headquarters, and they see about 5% of it coming back through things like ritual props, books, and banners etc. That being said, Fraternities simply do not have enough money to operate if they are not initiating enough brothers. National Headquarters have put many of their chapters into a situation where they must initiate more new members than they would like. It is now almost too idealistic to only take the best prospects if a Fraternity does not have a good rush turnout. Since many are so strapped for cash, the only way to quickly generate revenue is to raise dues, or initiate more brothers for more income. It is a lack of money that forces some chapters to give out bids to people that they don’t really want in the organization.

 

  This was the case with my situation. When you are initiating people for their money, and not for who they are, it changes the dynamics of the organization. To put it bluntly, this lack of money leads to a Fraternity of guys that don’t like each other, don’t hang out, and therefore don’t contribute to making the Fraternity better, like they should be. It is a vicious cycle, and very difficult to break. However, this doesn’t happen with all Fraternities, many do a great job of maintaining a high quality pledge class over and over again. This was the situation I found myself in, however, and I learned that the hard way.

 

  So, even though I hardly knew any of the brothers, and most of them didn’t know me, I accepted the bid. I was 18, didn’t know anyone, and was extremely naive. All I heard was stories of becoming a member of an elite group.

 

“You should see the parties we throw at the house, dude!” 

“Bro, you will hook up with so many sorority chicks once you start pledging.”

“You are a made-man once you get initiated dude, this Fraternity is all over the country… You can get a job anywhere you want!”

“Do you know how many celebrities are our Brothers? Tons of them bro, tons.”

 

  When I got my bid, a few of the guys in the Fraternity came by my dorm room. Dressed in black dress pants, a shirt and tie, they knocked on the door, handed over the bid, and the President said “Congratulations!” All of the brothers started clapping and cheering, putting an energetic emphasis on how unique it was to get a bid. This was the first of many psychological games the Fraternity used on me. It was a strange feeling of empowerment, and it worked well as leverage over me. “I got a bid, and my roommate didn’t” was my mentality. I felt honored, privileged even. I had no reason to be scared at all, but I was. It was intimidating! A dozen guys in shirts and ties, all eyes on you, all on your side, showing enthusiasm for getting a bid. It is a technique that puts people in a position where it becomes difficult to say no.

 

 Side note: A good tip to remember for bid day… When handing out your bids, create a situation for the pledge that makes it easy and encouraged to accept the bid and show up for the first event, but very difficult and socially damaging to turn it down. The more social repercussions you can add (whether they are real or not doesn’t matter), the better.

 

  The President handed me an envelope, and the Brothers left. The note read:

“Be at XYZ bus stop at 9pm on Thursday night, in a shirt and tie. Don’t be late.”

 

  I was excited and scared. A few of my friends had gotten bids as well, and were on the fence about pledging. I had to do a lot of convincing, but pressured them to come out with me. Our pledging had begun.

 

  For liability purposes, I will not be mentioning the Fraternity that I pledged. It is actually a fantastic Fraternity from a national perspective. It is one of the first few Fraternities, and has been in existence for over 100 years. The interesting aspect of Fraternities today is that no two chapters are alike. A chapter of a Fraternity can be the “Jock Frat” at one school, and the “Nerd Frat” at another. The members are completely self-electing, and you find that people tend to bring in other people that are similar to themselves. Once a specific “crop” of people get into an organization, they can completely change the dynamics of the group.

 The “Preppy Frat” today is the “Socially Awkward” Frat tomorrow. The “Ladies Man” Frat today is the “I’ve never heard of that Frat” Frat tomorrow.  This particular chapter of this Fraternity at my school was awful – and I sincerely mean that, they were god-awful in every way. However, from a nationwide perspective, it is actually a great organization on a large scale; I was just in the mix of a bad crop of individuals. It would have been incredible to pledge the same Fraternity at a school that respected them.

 

  With that being said, I did it. I pledged for almost 10 full weeks. The errands, the chores, cleanup after parties, ridiculous hazing, embarrassment, sleepless nights, screaming, yelling, slipping grades, a constant demand of my free time, I went through it all. There were times I hated it and times I loved it. I grew incredibly close to some of my pledge brothers, and we learned to hate the process together. Soon…. it ended. We made it through hell week (the worst week of my life), and we were initiated. I was almost crying I was so happy. We had done it! We were made men! We were brothers in the Fraternity!

 

  I was excited for the prospect of the next semester. After finishing my pledge duties, I had realized that I generally did not like a good majority of the brothers. You are probably saying to yourself “then why on earth would you keep pledging?!” It is very difficult to approach my decision logically, because it was such an emotional investment. The entire pledging process is created to keep you working for an end goal, and is designed to make it, psychologically, very difficult to quit. The social pressures were enormous, and every day you pledged was that much harder to give up.

 

  My primary goal was to get into the Fraternity, and change it around. I was excited! I wanted to immediately get elected to an executive position, and help make the Fraternity better. I realized quickly that the Fraternity I had joined was almost unnoticed in the Greek world at my school. Many of the sorority girls didn’t even know who we were. Almost all of the non-Greek student body had no idea who we were. But I didn’t care, I was going to give my Fraternity an amazing reputation, and change things from the bottom up.

 

 

  I knew I had a lot of work to do, but I was excited, and ready for the challenge…

 

 

 

Chapter 2: Reaching the Other Side - Life as a brother

 

My Fraternity sucked.

 

  It was expensive. None of the brothers liked each other. Less than half of the brothers showed up to meetings. Events were awful. Parties were TERRIBLE. I never met a single attractive girl through the Fraternity. The kids on the executive board were all very close-knit friends, and made decisions amongst themselves, rather than within the group. Many of the Brothers were douchebags.

 

  We didn’t throw good parties, we didn’t know any girls, and no one in the Greek community respected us. I distinctly remember one of the Brothers talking about how he watched another Brother get beat up in a bar fight, and just sat back and laughed as it happened. No one was looking out for each other, and there was almost no reason to be participating in this organization. I was paying hundreds of dollars a semester to forcefully hang out with guys I didn’t even like.

 

  It made absolutely no sense. I hated it! My pledge brothers hated it! I felt so dumb that I had been manipulated into joining an organization that sucked. I had essentially jumped onto a sinking ship. However, even with all this going on, I was still participating, still an active member in creating rush events and trying to get others to join. It is bizarre what a group-think mentality can do to you.

 

  The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back was over a housing issue. The Fraternity had a house that they needed to fill every year. The house was awful, no parties were thrown there, no one liked living there, and the Brothers who chose to live there willingly were the most annoying and obnoxious ones in the entire Fraternity. There was pressure from both National Headquarters and the alumni to keep brothers living there. If the younger members didn’t move into the house, it would be lost, and given to another Fraternity on campus that wanted it (the houses were owned by the University).

 

  I said no…... and by that I mean, I said hell no! My pledge brothers and now close friends said no. No one wanted to be there. Brothers always talked about how they hated the house, and hated that the Fraternity forced them to live there for a minimum of one year… but in a ridiculous showing of hypocrisy, demanded we live there “because they did”. A few members of the executive board took our social security numbers, registered it with the housing department on campus, and put us into the house against our will. We were furious. I still remember the battle I had with them today, but will simplify the conversation for you:

 

Me: “Take us off the list to live there, or I will drop out of this Fraternity.”

Fraternity: “You can’t drop out of the Fraternity.”

Me: “I will drop out of this Fraternity long before I move into that house.”

 

The Fraternity held an emergency meeting.

 

  Representatives from National Headquarters flew in. Alumni drove from hours away to try and put out the flames of the fight. The older brothers were outraged that we were acting out of line and hadn’t “paid our dues” to the Fraternity yet (yes, once initiated into a Fraternity, respect will often still work on a seniority basis. The longer you are there, the more powerful your opinion theoretically becomes).

 

Me: “My pledge brothers and I are not moving into that house."

Fraternity: “You are bluffing. You'll never drop out! You can’t! You just finished pledging! Stop complaining and bitching, and just move into the house already and be done with it!”

 

….We dropped out.        

 

 

Chapter 3: The Battle for Independence

 

  It is very difficult to “quit” a Fraternity. In theory, you can’t actually quit. You can be expelled, but you can’t quit. Once initiated, you are a brother for life. You swear by an oath that you will pledge allegiance to the organization, and there usually aren’t formal rules for relinquishing your membership. I remember a hilarious conversation I had with a secretary that I called at the national headquarters of the Fraternity.

 

Me: “Hi, I can’t find the forms I need to drop out. I tried the website and they weren't there. Do you know where I get them?”

HQ: “To drop out… of homecoming week?”

Me: “No, to drop out of the Fraternity.”

HQ: “I don’t understand what you mean by drop out, sir.”

Me: “I mean... I want to drop out of the Fraternity”

HQ: “Sir, you need to talk to your Pledgemaster if pledging is too difficult right now, or if your schoolwork is getting tough. They will cut you a break if this is about academics.”

Me: “I am not a pledge, I am a brother… and I need to drop out.”

HQ: “You’re…. a brother?”

Me: “Yes.”

HQ: “Oh…. I’ve never gotten a question like that before…one moment…”

(twenty minutes later...)

HQ: “Um, sir? We don’t have any forms to drop out.”

Me: “Then how do I drop out?”

HQ: “I… don’t know, sir?”

 

 Fraternities are a lifelong commitment. Leaving was an extremely difficult decision. I had put literally a semester and a half into this organization, and was ready to leave it all behind. The brothers were furious, and immediately went against me and my pledge brothers in a smear campaign. They would block their phone number and then harass us over the phone, send hate emails from newly created email accounts, accost us on campus while walking to class etc. etc. However, it had to be done. I was not happy there, and was having a lot more fun hanging out with the friends I had made on my own. The Fraternity gave me nothing, but took everything it could from me. It would have only gotten worse.

 

  I was fortunate enough to leave with 2 of my pledge brothers, which made it easier. We were triumphant, as 18 year old kids, in standing up against a group of 40 or so Brothers and Alumni, and successfully left the organization.

 

  With my new found freedom from the Fraternity, I was happy, but unfulfilled. It wasn’t that I hated Fraternities; it was that I hated MY Fraternity. The entire pledging process, the potential of what a large, like-minded group of people can do together, the whole idea of it all was something that I was absolutely in love with. I just didn’t like the one I had joined.

And then… it hit me… It was the epitome of a light bulb turning on in my brain…

 

It was… an adventure of epic proportions… It was dangerous, risky… and improbable

It was, the kind of moment that they write books about, and they make movies for… the kind of moment that people still talk about 10 years later…

 

It was…

 

 

 

 

 

 

the greatest idea of all time.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4: The Greatest Idea of All Time

 

  I had just finished rushing, pledging, being initiated into, and working on the other side of, a historic Fraternity. I had experienced literally every part of the Fraternity necessary to understand how they work. Even though the group I had joined was no good, the rituals, traditions, and meanings I learned were identical to every other chapter in the country. In the big picture, it was a successful, traditional and respected Fraternity that just had a bad crop of Brothers at this particular college, at this particular point in time.

 

…Why don’t I start my own Fraternity?

 

  The endless questions began. Who would be in it? What would we stand for? Where would we go? Would we take it seriously? Can we? Will they let us? How do we start? What will we call it?! Our journey began in the selection of our first pledge class. The guys on my floor in the dorm had grown close to me. We all hung out for most of the day together, and a lot of us were dating the girls on the floors above us, or in the buildings next to us. Life was good. We were family..... But which of these fellas would be right for the Fraternity....?

 

  I deemed myself the President of our new organization, and my two pledge brothers were the Vice President and Treasurer. We had 3! After discussing, talking to others, and defining our goals, we picked out 7 other guys that were the perfect combination of the right personality and the willingness to contribute.

 

  Our goal: To become a low commitment, laid back Fraternity for guys who didn’t really like Fraternities. To take out all the negative aspects of Fraternities that we didn’t like, while leaving all the good stuff. Some people said it was stupid. Some said it was brilliant. Some people thought it was a joke, and to be honest it might have even been a joke for awhile. Most people said it would never last.

 

  We began creating bids on the computer, and stuffing them in envelopes. The first pledge class was all of our close friends, so we had to operate in a very strange way. We were still figuring things out as we went, so we just got creative and went with the flow. The Vice President and I dressed up in all black, and put masks over our faces (visualize the burglars from the movie Home Alone). We would wait outside in the quad, and when 1 of the 7 “rushes” was going to or walking from class, we would chase them, tackle them, throw the bid on their chest, and yell “Don’t tell anyone where you got this!” and then run off. It was similar to a scene from the movie “Old School”.

 

  They all knew immediately who we were, but establishing a feeling of realness, along with drumming up curiosity in others watching the fiasco (the quad was usually filled with a least a hundred students at any given time) was needed. We gave out the bids, and demanded that all the pledges meet us at 9pm in a specific on campus location, shirt and tie absolutely necessary...

That was an 8 page sample of the 78 page book.